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  IT BEGINS WITH TRUST

  R.S. JAMES

  Copyright

  It Begins With Trust

  Copyright © 2019 R.S James

  Edited by: Nikki Reeves of Southern Sweetheart Author and Book Services

  Cover Design: Tracie Douglas of Dark Water Covers

  Photographer: Dawn Chance

  Models: Julie E Mick Schalm and Lee Schalm

  Formatting: Jaime Russell

  Chapter Headers: Torrie Frisinia-Robles

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite eBook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.

  Dedication

  to Hailey my favorite girl. I love you most, best, always forever times infinity and beyond.

  Acknowledgements

  Nikki Reeves from Southern sweetheart editing. Jaime Russell Julie Mick Schalm. James, Trevor, Hailey, and Jessie my cheerleaders.

  Carly Present

  With tears in my eyes, I hug my mom tight and whisper, “Do it, Mom. You’re worth it, and more importantly, he loves you”. She looks at me with tears and says, “Yeah, he does. Just like Xavier loves you, my beautiful girl. I truly hope you, Carson, and Caitlynn find love and don’t have the heart ache that I have lived through. Although, I’d go through it all over again for any one of you kids.”

  “Mom, stop and go get married. We love you, and you love us. We get it now, so go love Maddox the way he loves all of us”.

  Smiling, she kisses all of us, goes to see her man, and then tells him she will marry him. Finally, that man has worked harder for her than most men would. Looking at my phone, I see he has texted and called again. God, why does he have to keep doing this? He is the one that walked away from us; more than once, and Mom always took him back, but when he and Aunt Clarissa went to the ER, it was fate. Mom happened to be filling in that night on their fifteenth wedding anniversary, and they all found out Aunt Clarissa was pregnant with Caitlynn. Well, I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Opening the message, and what do you know, he “needs” money now for what I don’t care, but I’m done with this crap. Aunt Clarissa is selfish and decided that she didn’t want to be a mom, which is why my mom is now raising Caitlynn, as her own. Carson, my twin, and I will keep an eye on her, so Mom and Maddox can have their honeymoon. The atmosphere in the room changes, and I know that Xavier has entered the room. Man, he is beautiful. Sometimes, I can’t believe that he loves me.

  “Hey, baby. What are you doing in here by yourself?”

  “Hey, I love you, and this,” I say, holding out my phone to him.

  “Babe, can we change your number now. I hate that he hurts you like this. I know he’s your dad and you love him, but this is getting to be too much.”

  “I know but, I don’t know. I just want to be enough for him, and I keep hoping someday I will be.” Hugging his body tightly to mine, I allow his scent to calm me down. “You’re right. I’ll change it, as soon as we get home.”

  Placing his hand under my chin and lifting it up so my eyes meet his, he says, “Babe, don’t do it, because I said something. Do it because you want to.”

  “Is the bastard still bothering you? Carly, just block him. That’s what I did, and now, he can’t get ahold of me. I’m so much better off now.”

  “Here Carson, go ahead and block him please.” I stand there and watch, as my brother once again protects me. I’m sure to some people I seem weak, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. I care to much, and then when someone hurts me, I’m completely broken. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression, so I try to say, ‘let it go,’ but in all honesty, it’s still in my head, rotating over and over, and I keep seeing everything I did wrong or could have done differently. Logically, I know I can’t fix everyone’s problems and other people make mistakes, but I always see what I could have or should have done differently. I know this is a downfall to me, but it’s the way I’m wired. I mean, I could probably go to a shrink and work through this, but I just don’t have time.

  *****

  Finally, we are back home, and life has gone back to normal. I have been working doubles, so I can be done with school and with my internship. I will finally be Dr. Carly Mercier Cardiologist, and I cannot wait. I have class Tuesday and Thursday; I work in the office on Wednesday, and at the hospital on my internship Mondays and Fridays and every other weekend. However, being this close to graduation, everyone is slacking, so I have been picking up their hours. Xavier has been acting weird lately. He has this large yellow envelope, and any time I’m in the same room as it is in, he comes rushing in, like his pants are on fire. Just this morning, it was on the table, and I went to grab it for him, and he pulled it out of my hand.

  “I have asked you several times not to touch this.”

  “Jeez, Xavier. I wasn’t looking in it. I was just going to hand it to you. I’m sorry. I won’t be kind anymore.”

  “Please, babe stop. Don’t be angry. This is just personal, and I don’t want to add stress to you.”

  “Really, Xavier? I thought you and I were in a partnership. Not you on your own, me on my own. I’m sorry, but this has to be all or nothing.”

  “Okay, I’ll try to do better at it. I can’t help that I want to protect and take care of you. I love you.”

  Sighing, I say, “I just don’t want to fight. I love you, too. Have a good day, and I’ll see you tonight. I’ll bring dinner home for us.”

  *****

  After working three months without a day off, it’s finally my weekend off. No school, no work, and no Caitlynn. I love her, but I’m so ready to just sit around with Xavier and have a quiet meal, or just watch TV, or just be together. It’s the little things I miss, like laying on the couch and him tossing a blanket to me just because he knows I’m cold a lot. But I know in the end, it will be worth it.

  Leaving the hospital an hour early, I go to the store to get the stuff to make homemade pizza for dinner tonight. I also grab beer, wine, and other groceries, so we won’t have to leave the house all weekend. Walking out of the store, I look across the street to the local diner, and what do I see, nothing other than Xavier’s truck. Putting my groceries in my trunk, my feet take me across the street to see what the fuck he is doing at the diner. I walk up to the sidewalk, and what do I see? Nothing other than him and a lady sitting at a table with that damn envelope. He has her hand in his. Walking quickly back to my car, I get in and drive blindly to our apartment. As quickly as possible, I pack up my clothes and walk to the door. Turning around, I walk to the table, slipping the key off my ring, as I lay it on the table next to a receipt, and I write, “Here is your key. Goodbye.”

  Walking back to the door, I take one last look around the place that I have called home for the last two years, and a single tear rolls down my face, as I walk out the door. I feel like everyone is always going to disappoint me. Getting in my car, with no destination in mind, I drive. My phone start
s going off with text messages and phone calls, so finally I just shut it off. I drive to Nebraska, and the exhaustion is setting in. Pulling into the first hotel I see, I get checked in. I go in, and there is a bed, a dresser with a TV on it, and two lamps on each side of the bed. I take my clothes off, except my panties, and then climb between the sheets. Then, I allow my tears to flow freely and remember the beginning.

  Carly Past

  I knew of Xavier, but I didn’t actually know him.

  I knew he was friends with Carson, and that he always had a swarm of girls around him, waiting for a second of his time. I didn’t want to be ‘that girl,’ so I focused on track and school. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had boyfriends, but no one that screamed forever to me. I was at track practice one day, which was totally normal. Hell, I even ran the track and conditioned in the off season. Carson was there with Gatorade for me. They walked together to the fence, where I was standing and catching my breath. Carson handed me my Gatorade, and Xavier, with his cocky smirk, asks, “Why haven’t I seen you around before, beautiful?”

  I replied just as cocky, “You can’t see anything past what’s in your face, and that will never be me.” I thought that would be the end of it. Oh, how wrong I was. Now, every day both Carson and Xavier bring me Gatorade or water, and of course, Xavier always tries to have a conversation. Finally, I asked him after about three weeks what it would take to get things to go back to normal with he and I not knowing the other exists.

  With a serious face, he leans down and looks me straight in the eyes, saying twenty-five words to me that I will forever remember, as his first promise to me. “I will never forget you, and life before you was just black and white. Now, it’s so full and vibrant, I won’t forget you ever.” With a kiss on my forehead, he turns and walks away, as Carson and I both just stand there.

  Finally, Carson breaks the silence, “Man, I have never seen him blow off girls as often as he has been, since he met you. Normally, once the last bell rings, he is out the door and on his way home. Now, he’s on his way out here, and nine times outta ten, he beats me out here with your drink. I really think you need to see what is going on between you, two.”

  “I thought we always agreed our friends were off limits.” Laughing, I think he’s joking, until I turn around from getting my bag, and his face is serious.

  “That was before I seen my best friend look like someone killed his dog, when you said why can’t we go back to normal. I’m just saying if I felt that way about someone, I’d know you would allow me the chance to see where it goes. I love you kid, and I just want what’s best for you.”

  “I’ve always ‘dated’ safe guys. Ya know, guys I know won’t or can’t hurt me. With him, I don’t know that, and that scares the crap outta me. I’ve tried to outrun the feelings I have when he’s out here. I push myself harder and farther, and the feelings are still here. I don’t know what they mean, or what they are, but I have some. I’ll take your advice, but right now, I think we should just work on being friends. I’m not sure I’m ready for anything else.”

  “Just be honest with him, and know if he hurts you, I will kick his ass.”

  “You’re such a guy.”

  “Yeah, that’s one of my finest qualities.”

  Shoving him, we head to the car, getting in, as we drive home in silence. Well, as much silence as possible with our radio going as loud as possible. Once we get home, I go up to my room and drop off my bag, knowing Mom will be in, while I’m in the shower to get my dirty clothes out and put clean ones in. Getting out of the shower, I put on my yoga pants and tank top, looking down to my phone, I have a text message from Carson, and it’ just a phone number. I don’t really know how I feel about this, but maybe, I should send the first text, so that I can set the ground rules.

  Me: Hey. I can be friends with you, but that’s it. I’m not in competition with anyone, and I never will be.

  Xavier: Babe, we are already more than friends, but if that’s what you need to believe, then so be it. And there is never any competition. You outshine every single person on this earth. Btw you kicked ass at practice tonight. I can’t wait to see you kick ass in your meet tomorrow.

  Throwing my phone down, I’m not sure what to think of this. Hearing a knock at my door, I look up, and there stands Carson. “Hey, kid. There is a party tomorrow night at the lake. You want to ride with me?”

  “Carson, I don’t know. I’ve never fit in with your crowd or your friends…”

  “Carly, stop. You’re never going to be anything other than what you are, and no one is asking you to. I just want to go for a bit, and if you want to leave, we will. I promise.”

  “Fine.”

  The next morning I’m up and out the door at four-thirty in the morning with so much pent up energy. I go to the school and run the cross-country course. Getting done, I know I need to keep moving, but not running. Slowing myself down, I end up walking a mile. Once I make it back to the car, I plug in my phone and see I have several text messages.

  Xavier: Can’t wait to see you today.

  Coach: Don’t burn yourself out, before the meet today!

  Mom: I love you and can’t wait to watch you run today. If you need me, I’m always here for anything and everything.

  Xavier: Babe, you okay?

  Gosh, I have such a fantastic mom and coach.

  “Hey.”

  I scream, and then grab for my mace.

  “Hey, it’s just me. Don’t spray me.”

  “Christ Xavier, you scared me to death. What in the hell are you doing here?”

  “I just got done working out and saw a car down here. I wanted to make sure no one needed help.” Looking at him, I see he’s in basketball shorts and a shirt with the sleeves cut off. His hair is wet, and his shirt is wet from sweat. Hearing a noise behind him, I look over his side, and there stands one of his ‘regulars,’ so now I know just what he was doing.

  Swallowing down the hurt, I look back at him and say, “Yeah, sure working out. Guess there is a new meaning to that.” Sliding in the driver’s seat, I have a hold on the door, trying to shut it, but it’s not moving. Looking up, I see Xavier has a hold of it, and looking into his eyes, I see a mixture of hurt and anger.

  “I know what you’re thinking, and you need to get that shit out of your head now. I’m not with her now nor have I been with anyone, since that first track practice. When I say I’m with you, that means I’m one hundred percent with you. I’ve never said that to anyone before, and they have all known the score.” Leaning in, he presses his lips to my temple and whispers, “I’ll see you in a couple of hours at your meet. Be safe, babe.” Closing my car door, I lock the doors, put my keys in the ignition, and start the car in a daze, as I drive home.

  Going inside, I holler, “Mom”.

  She turns from the sink and says, “Yes, dear?”

  “Mom, I don’t know what to do. I need you to tell me what to do.”

  “Oh, my love. How I wish I could tell you what to do, but I need some details first.” Walking together through the kitchen and dining room, we enter the front room, and Mom goes to her chair. It’s a lazy boy recliner that rocks. She sits down, and I sit on her lap. Leaning back, I tell her everything from the first practice to what happened today. Feeling my phone vibrate, I pull it out and show her.

  Xavier: Just wanted to make sure you got home okay.

  “What do I do?”

  “Oh, my sweet girl. I can’t tell you what to do. I can give you my thoughts, but what is right for me, isn’t going to be right for you.”

  “Gosh, I just want to go back to the days when my biggest problem was am I wearing my yellow shorts or my orange ones.”

  Laughing, Mom says, “Oh, yes. The biggest problem of them all. Honey, what does your heart say?”

  Sighing and leaning back into Mom’s chest, I say, “I don’t know. I mean, I like him, and he seems cool, but he always has or had girls all over him. The only competition I want is running.”


  Sighing once again, I tell her, “I’m just scared I’m going to go all in, and then get hurt and end up being the laughing-stock of the school.”

  While running her fingers through my hair, she asks in her quiet voice, “What if he is serious about you? What if this is the best thing for you both? Wouldn’t you rather try, so you can say you tried and gave it your all?”

  “But what if he’s playing a joke with all his friends? Like I’m the forbidden person? What if this is…”

  “Love, we can what if this to death, but the fact is you have to make the decision to either do it or don’t, but either way, you have to be one hundred percent in and not on the fence. You might get hurt, or you could really be loved. A heart break is both the best and worst thing ever. I’m sorry I can’t tell you what choice to make. All I can tell you is sometimes it’s best to jump feet first and give it your all.”

  With a sigh, I get up and say, “Thank you, Mom. I love you. I think I’m going to shower, and then lay down, before the meet.”

  “Okay, love. I’ll see you, when you get up. I love you the most, the best, and always and forever times infinity and beyond.”

  Going to the bathroom, I strip down and lay my phone on the counter, as I see another text from Xavier.

  Xavier: Hey. Please let me know you are home safe and sound.

  With a deep sigh, I unlock my phone and reply.

  Me: Home safe. Talk later.

  *****

  Warming up, I calm myself, and the only thought that crosses my mind is making it to the finish line first. I see Xavier with Carson and my mom. I wish my dad was here, but I highly doubt that will happen. He hasn’t been coming to my meets nor has he been coming home like normal lately. Carson and I know that something is up, but right now, I need to clear my head and just run. I don’t look at people or listen, as they cheer or talk to me, as I run by. I just run.